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This article covers the transcript for the season 4 episode, Tree House.

[The episode begins with Josh scrambling himself in his room]

Josh: Hi! Hi, hey uh, you gotta give me a minute. Uh, there's an emergency! [picks up the phone to call Drake]

Drake: [at a Chinese restaurant hanging out with his buddies] So I went to my barber's birthday party, right? Those girls tried to talk to me, but I got a mouth full of pickle juice, so I was thinking how...?


Delivery Guy: Package for Josh Nichols. [hands package to Josh]

Josh: Thanks! Have a good day!

Delivery Guy: Don't tell me what to do.


Megan: Out the window.

Drake: I can't even see it.

Josh: No. Oh yeah. It landed on the Carmichael's treehouse.

Drake: Let's just go there and get it back.

[Before the boys go get it, the rocket explodes and the treehouse is engulfed in flames]

Megan: Treehouse on fire?

Drake and Josh: Yeah!!!! [the boys are heading out of the bedroom, followed by Megan]

[An arrow transitions to the Carmichael's backyard with Greg putting out the fire]

Greg: Well, fire's out!

Walter: Greg, I am so sorry our kids burned down your son's treehouse.

Josh: Yeah, I feel awful.

Drake: Yeah, if only Josh wouldn't put that restrictor plate on first... [Josh shoots him a look]

Greg: Well, it's alright. I'm just a little worried about how Robbie will react, see he can a little...

Robbie: [off-screen] Daddy?

Greg: Oh no. No, I didn't want it to be like...

Robbie: [walks up to Greg] Daddy? [turns to the remains of his treehouse, dropping his toy truck in shock] What happened to my treehouse?!

Greg: Son, [kneels down to Robbie's level] Drake and Josh shot it with a rocket and burned it down.

[Robbie turns to Drake and Josh]

Josh: Well, you see, Robbie...

[Robbie unleashes a high pitched cry that causes the Parker-Nichols family to cover their ears. The cry lasts about ten seconds before Robbie stops.]

Drake: [sarcastically] Well, that was pleasant!

Robbie: Why? Why would you do this to me?

Drake: We didn't mean to.

Robbie: That treehouse was the only place I could cry in private!

Audrey: Oh, it's okay, Robbie! I'll tell you what, Drake and Josh, are gonna build you a brand new treehouse!

Drake: What?

Josh: Wait, what?

Walter: You heard her!

Greg: Well, we are driving up to our cottage in Fresno for the weekend. Can you boys rebuild it, tomorrow?

Josh: Wait, tomorrow?

Drake: Tomorrow?!

Josh: We can't, we have plans.

Audrey: Of course, they can.

Josh: But we have dates, tomorrow!

Drake: With hot twins!

Walter: Tough squash.

Drake: [to Josh] Squash?

Josh: I don't know, he says things...

Audrey: [to her children] You can go on your dates, until after the three of you finish rebuilding Robbie's treehouse!

Megan: Whoa, whoa! By the "three of us", I hope you mean Drake, Josh, and Josh's imaginary friend!

Josh: Hey!

Megan: Mom...

Walter: Drake and Josh said you were helping them with a rocket when it flew through the window.

Drake: She was.

Audrey: So, you have to help rebuild the treehouse tomorrow.

Megan: But I'll miss Jeannie's birthday party! [turns to her brothers, venomously whispering] Tell them it wasn't my fault!

Drake: [mockingly] Sorry!

Josh: Too bad, little girl!

Walter: Now boys, Megan, [angrily whispers] why don't you tell Robbie you're sorry?

Drake, Josh, and Megan: We're sorry.

Robbie: It's okay.

Greg: [ruffles Robbie's hair] Atta boy!

Josh: Hey, hey, maybe you can cheer yourself up by playing with your cool red truck, here. Come on, try it, dude!

Robbie: I'll try.

[Robbie turns on his truck, and drives it into the remains of the treehouse. At this moment, a charred piece of wood falls onto the truck, splitting it half. Robbie proceeds to cry again, causing the Parker-Nichols family to cover their ears and retreat back to their house. The scene cuts to the next day in the Carmichaels' backyard, where Josh is working on the new treehouse while Drake and Megan are both relaxing.]

Josh: You know, you two could help me.

Drake: I've been helping since 7 am. Now, I'm relaxing. [to Megan] Hey, pour me some more lemonade, would you?

[Megan walks over and refills Drake's cup of lemonade, then using it to splash his face]

Drake: What was that for?!

Megan: For making me miss Jeannie's birthday party!

Drake: [smugly] Yeah well, it looks like me and Josh got you this time, doesn't it? [stops Megan as she walks towards the power saw] Don't touch the power saw!

Josh: Megan, just go get me some more screws from the garage.

Megan: You guys make me sick, maybe I'd better check into "St. Illness". [rolls her eyes as she walks to the garage]


Josh: Titanium screws.

Drake: Excellent. So, are we done?

Josh: Yeah. Yeah, I'm just gonna go get the uh, door... [runs into the wall as he looks and taps it in confusion. He then realizes Drake forgot to cut a door hole to get out. Josh slowly turns to face him, not looking too happy, but Drake has yet to notice.] Drake?

Drake: What?

Josh: Where's the door hole?

Drake: It goes right there. See? I drew it with a magic marker.

Josh: You were supposed to cut it out with the power saw.

Drake: Dude, I'm gonna!

Josh: Oh, really?

Drake: Yes!

Josh: So, go get the power saw.

Drake: Okay, I will. [runs into the wall, realizing he can't get out] I see the problem...

Josh: OH, DO YA?!

Drake: Look how do we get outta here?

Josh: [sticks his head out the window] Megan! Megan! Megan! [sees her come outside] Oh, Megan, Megan, Megan!

Megan: Calm down, I'm bringing your screws.

Josh Nichols: No-no-no, I need you bring me up the saw.

Megan: Why?

Josh: Drake forgot to cut the door down so now we're trapped in here.

Megan: Oh my god... This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

Drake: Megan, will you please just hand up that saw?

Megan: No, I don't think I will! [giggles]

Drake: Come on, we gotta be ready for our dates in two hours! With hot twins!

Megan: Too bad. I missed Jeannie's birthday party, now you two can miss your dates. [sing-along] No twins for you...

Josh: Megan! You bring up that saw, right now!

Megan: No, I'm gonna get a snow cone. [put downs the screws and goes in the house]

Josh: M-Megan??

Drake: Megan!

Josh: Megan!

Drake: Megan!

Josh: Megan!

Drake: Megan!

Josh: Megan!

Drake: At least bring me a snow con!

Josh: CONE!

Drake: Oh, whatever. Megan!


Josh: You're not gonna find a way out of here.

Drake: Yes, I am!

Josh: The walls are made of solid wood, okay? And they're screwed on with titanium screws.

Drake: And do you realize what's happening right now? There are two, very hot twin girls, who just finished putting on eye glitter, and they're on their way to the Premiere to meet us!

Josh: [whines] I wanted to kiss a twin...

Drake: We all wanna kiss twins!

Josh: Man, you hungry?

Drake: Yeah, I'm starved! I haven't eaten since noon...

Josh: Me neither, I wish I had something to eat.

Drake: Yeah.

[Drake and Josh hear a noise, as they look up to the window to see a squirrel enjoying a nut. Drake smiles and looks back at Josh, who eyes him with suspicion.]

Josh: [hushed] You will not eat that squirrel!


Josh: [under his breath] Stupid Schneiders...

Megan: Yeah. So if you want food, you're gonna have to beg.

Josh: No! I will not beg for food, alright? Just give me a hamburger!

Megan: Okay. [slips an uncooked patty onto her spatula, and catapults it towards Josh's face]

Josh: Ow!

Drake: What happened?

Josh: [turns to Drake, with the patty on his face] She hit me in the face with a meat patty.

Drake: [grabs a small piece] Ugh, it's raw... [eats it] Mm, this is gross.

Josh: [also eating a piece] Yeah, and nasty.

[While the brothers "enjoy" their patty, the scene cuts to the Parker-Nichols living room. There is a knock on the door, just as Megan enters from the back door.]

Megan: Who is it?

Eric: It's Craig and Eric.

[She goes to answer the door, revealing Craig and Eric each holding model rockets]

Megan: What?

Eric: Hey, we heard Josh got the Skybuster 5000 model rocket!

Craig: We gotta see it!

Eric: And we want to show him ours! [excitedly shows off his model rocket, including Craig]

Megan: What is wrong with you two? [hears the phone ring] I'll be right back. [goes to answer it]

Eric: Oh, can we come in?

Megan: No! [answers the phone] Hello?

[Scene changes to the Premiere, revealing to be Drake and Josh's twin dates]

Twin 1: Hey, are Drake and Josh there?

Megan: Nope, sorry.

Twin 2: Well, they were supposed to meet my sister and I here 45 minutes ago.

Megan: Well, I'm sure if they cared about you at all, they'd be there.

Twins: Huh?

Megan: Um, actually? [looks back at Craig and Eric] Drake and Josh moved to Canada.

Twins: Canada?

Megan: But they felt bad about missing your date, so they're sending another couple of guys over to meet you.

Twins: Okay?

Megan: [hangs up and goes to the door] Alright, do you two want to spend your Saturday night playing with model rockets? Or would you rather be on a date with two hot girls?

Craig: Hot girls?

Megan: Twins.

Eric: Twins? [laughs with Craig]

Megan: Have fun. [closes the door]

Craig: Wait, wait! [taps the door with Eric]

Megan: [opens the door] What?

Eric: Where do we go?

Megan: The Premiere! [slams the door]

Craig: W-wait! [looks at Eric, as the two rush to the Premiere]

[The scene cuts to the treehouse, where Drake and Josh are sitting in total boredom]

Drake: Time?

Josh: [checks his watch] Almost 9:30.

Drake: [sighs] Man, I'm so bored. [stands up]

Josh: Hey, hey! We could play a game I learned at improv comedy camp!

Drake: Oh god!

Josh: [stands up] Come on! Alright, uh, I say a word that starts with "a", and then you say a word that starts with "b", and it just keeps itself going! It's fun.

Drake: [sighs] Okay, start.

Josh: Okay, uh, acorn.

Drake: Bathtub.

Josh: Cable.

Drake: Doodle.

Josh: Elbow.

Drake: Freezer.

Josh: Goose.

Drake: Okay, this is the worst game ever!

Josh: [crosses his arms and whines] It is, isn't it?!

Drake: Man, I wonder what the twins are doing right now?

[The scene cuts to the Premiere, where Craig, Eric, and the twins are sitting and laughing together]

Eric: So our friend, Hender comes in and says, "Hey, I thought this was a cafeteria, not a rocketeria!" [The group laughs again] True story!

Craig: [raises hand] I'm a witness!

Twin 1: Wow, you guys are so fun!

Twin 2: Totally!

Twin 1: You mind getting us a couple more sodas?

Craig: Sure, be glad to. [grabs Twin 2's cup]

Eric: We'll be right back. [grabs Twin 1's cup]

[The two get up and walk towards the soda fountain, as the twins watch them]

Twin 1: Let's get outta here!

Twin 2: Run!

[Both twins flee the Premiere before Craig and Eric can return. The scene cuts back to the treehouse, where Drake paces around and Josh bangs his face against the wall.]

Drake: Alright, alright, that's it! We're gonna get outta here, right now!

Josh: How?

Drake: Okay, you and me together, we're gonna throw ourselves against that wall. And with with our combined weight, running full speed, I think it'll be enough to break it.

Josh: [nods] Let's go for it.