Drake and Josh Wiki

Josh: HELEN! [rushes into the lobby]

Helen: Where have you been?

Josh: At the police station.

Drake: Again?

Josh: Yeah, people keep recognizing me from FBI's Most Wanted.

Drake: Me too. You know I've signed like seven autographs today?

Josh: [sarcastically] Well, how nice for you. [to Helen] People keep thinking that I'm the Theater Thug, and then they beat me up and call the cops. Happened three times, already...

Helen: Tough nuts, get to work! [walks away]

[A scout troop stands near Josh, with one scout recognizing him]

Boy Scout 1: Hey, it's the Theater Thug!

Josh, No, no, you don't understand! I just played the guy in the reenactment...

Boy Scout 2: GET HIM!

[Josh screams and tries to flee, but is quickly caught and restrained by the entire troop]

Josh: Four times!

Drake: Hey come on, guys! Get off of him, he's not the guy...

Drake Fan: Hey Drake, can my friend get an autograph too?

Drake: [smiles] Of course, you can. [walks away with her, immediately forgetting about Josh]

Josh: I'm not the guy! I'm not the guy...


Josh: [does a peace gesture to a passing bystander] What it is! [hushed, to Drake] People are staring at me!

Drake: So? Just ignore them, at least it's working.

Bystander: [points at Josh, recognizing him] Hey, it's the Theater Thug!

Josh: Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

Bystander: And he's wearing a hippie disguise!

Josh: [accent] Nah-nah-nah! See, my name is Antoine and...

Old Lady: [grabs Josh's arm, to everyone] Don't let him get away!


[After Drake goes to grab the mop, a suspicious character enters the lobby...]

Josh: Sorry bro, we're closed.

Theater Thug: Didn't I see you on TV last week?

Josh: Yes. Okay, but look, I'm not the real Theater Thug. [fiddles with his key ring]

Theater Thug: Yeah, I know.

Josh: Good.

Theater Thug: I am.

Josh: Look, I'm just about to close... [looks up in realization, and freezes in shock] Hello...

Theater Thug: Where's the money?

Josh: [scared] I don't know!

Theater Thug: Yeah, you do!

Josh: Yeah, I do!

Theater Thug: Where is it?!

Josh: Register!

Theater Thug: Open it!

Josh: Uh...

Theater Thug: WHAT?

Josh: Like, Helen says I'm not allowed to open the register unless somebody makes a purchase...

Theater Thug: Either you open the register, or I open your head!

Josh: I do like my head closed...