Drake and Josh Wiki


Josh: I got to say, I’m really glad Drake’s my new stepbrother.

Drake: I’m really glad someone invented pizza, oh and bikinis. Yeah, bikinis are cool.

Josh: But when you have a brother around the same age as you, sometimes it gets a little competitive.

Drake: Last week, Josh challenged me to see who could hold his breath the longest.

Josh: We had this contest to see who could hold their breath longer. After two minutes…

Drake: I win.

Josh: I lost, consciousness.

Drake: I was breathing through my nose the whole time.

Josh: Oh! And then there was the milk challenge.

Drake: I bet Josh my allowance that he couldn’t chug an entire gallon of milk. But he did it, I lost.

Josh: I threw up.

Drake: He puked.

Drake and Josh: It was worth it.


[Megan comes home all soaked, since Drake and Josh were too distracted to pick her up]

Megan: Hello? [the boys don’t response, so she walks up to them] HELLO?

Drake: Oh, yeah. This is for you. [gives her an umbrella]

Audrey: Hi. [notices Megan soaked, becomes frustrated] DRAKE! JOSH!

Drake and Josh: Huh?

[Audrey snatches Drake's bag of chips]

Drake: Hey!

[Audrey takes the remote and shuts off Josh's game]

Josh: [gasps] What up with THAT?

Audrey: One thing! I ask you guys to do one thing for me! Look at Megan!

[The boys look at Megan]

Josh: She's wet.

[Audrey groans in annoyance]

Megan: Everyone can see I'm wet, you boob.

Audrey: You were too busy to go get your sister. But you weren't too busy to play video games all day...

Drake: Josh...!

Audrey: ...Or to sit around, swallowing 20 pounds of junk food.

Josh: Drake...!

Megan: I keep telling you they're bad people!

Audrey: Well, you have anything to say for yourselves?

[Josh gives Drake a sheepish look for help]

Drake: Well, mmm... you see, I view this whole incident as a learning experience.

Audrey: Ugh! Upstairs, both of you! You're grounded tonight.

Drake: But it's Saturday night!

Josh: I'm supposed to meet Brian Horowitz at the magic palace!

Audrey: Go apologize to your sister, and then, both of you, UPSTAIRS!

Drake and Josh: [sigh and walk over to Megan] Sorry. [Megan shakes her wet head all over them]

[The scene cut upstairs to their bedroom, where Drake and Josh pick up where they left off]

Drake: You do realize this is your fault.

Josh: No, I do not realize that!

Drake: You couldn't stop playing your video games for 10 minutes to take her the stupid umbrella?

Josh: Hey, number 1, that umbrella is not stupid. My uncle bought it for me at SeaWorld!

Drake: Oh, just face it, Josh. You're addicted to video games.

Josh: I am not addicted to them! [smiling] I am in love with them!

Drake: How sad.

Josh: Not as sad as being addicted to junk food, which ya are. Man, do ya know how bad that stuff is for you?

Drake: [throws bag of Cheese Balls and picks up video game controller as he acts like Josh] “Ooh, look at me, I'm Josh! I play video games all day long! Girls? No, thank you, ma'am! I got me a video game!”

Josh: [stuffs a fistful of Cheese Balls into his mouth as he acts like Drake] “Ooh, I'm Drake! Nutrition? Not for me! I'm just gonna eat me a big ol' bag of Cheese Balls!” [shoves more into his mouth]

Drake: Which you're allergic to. [Josh frantically spits out the Cheese Balls, uses a Dustbuster on his tongue, and spits out the Cheese Ball crumbs] Besides, food is a necessity. Video games have no value.

Josh: Video games teach hand-eye coordination, which is why I now have CAT-LIKE reflexes.

Drake: [throws a baseball which hits Josh on his head] Yeah, dead cat-like reflexes.

Josh: I wasn't ready! Besides, I can quit video games a lot easier than you can quit junk food!

Drake: Oh, really? [sniffs] You smell that, Josh? It smells like a bet to me.

Josh: No, I smell [sniffs] you losing a bet!

Drake: Okay, hot pants, it’s on. You give up video games, I give up junk food. First one to cave loses.

Josh: Okay, what happens when you lose?!

Drake: When you lose, you have to, uh, dye your hair pink.

Josh: Okay, loser has to dye his hair pink.

Drake: So we're starting right now?

Josh: Yeah, we're starting right now! [they tried to start but they changed their mind] Or we could start in the morning.

Drake: Morning works.

[Josh continues gaming and Drake continues eating junk food. The scene cuts to the next day in the kitchen, where Drake and Josh are waiting for something]


[Dr. Jeff is looking at Drake's rash]

Dr. Jeff: Well, this is gonna sound a little odd, but... a recent change in Drake's diet probably caused the rash.

Josh: Wait a minute. You're saying that he got that rash from NOT eating junk food?

Audrey: Is that really possible?

Dr. Jeff: Sure. See, his body was so accustomed to all the fat, sugar, and sodium, and when he suddenly stopped, it resulted in this hideous facial rash. [Drake gives him a look] Uh, no offense.

Walter: Well, we really appreciate you coming by, Jeff. It's nice to have a doctor live across the street.

Dr. Jeff: Yeah, nice for you. Here's your bill. [hands Walter the bill]

Walter: $300?

Dr. Jeff: Yep, see ya.

Drake: Wait, what about my hideous facial rash?

Dr. Jeff: Well, I normally advise my patients to stay away from junk food, but in light of your face, I suggest that you eat some, perhaps a doodle cake. [hands a note to Drake and points to Walter] $300. [grabs his bag and leaves]

Drake: I can't believe this. I mean, it makes me... almost unattractive. What am I gonna do?

Audrey: Well, you heard the doctor.

Josh: YEAH! Bring in the junk food! WHOO! [starts singing and dancing] Joshie won the bet! Drake's gonna have pink hair! La-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la!

Megan: [walks in with a package for Josh] Hey, spaz! [Josh stops dancing] This package just came for you.

Josh: [takes the package] It's a- it's a present from Grammy! This day just keeps getting better!

Walter: What'd she send you?

Josh: [opens up the package and gasps] It's a GameSphere!

Drake: No way, the GameSphere doesn't come out for another three months.

Josh: Never underestimate Grammy!

Walter: What's a GameSphere?

Josh: Only the most sophisticated gaming experience ever created by humans, and it's Spherical! SPHERICAL! Oh, man! I gotta plug this in! [sets his GameSphere on the table]

Drake: Good. 'Cause the second you do, you lose the bet.

Josh: Oh, but... but... [holds a mirror in front of Drake's face.]

Drake: No!

Josh: You gotta eat some junk food right now! Doctor said so!

Drake: Oh, no way, man. Ain't gonna happen! Now go ahead. Play your ultra cool new GameSphere!

Josh: No!

Drake: [holds the GameSphere in front of Josh's face] It's spherical...

Josh: [whines] I know! [comes to his senses] But I ain't playing it!

Drake: And I'm not eating junk food! [Josh holds the mirror in front of Drake's face again] Oh! [turns Josh's face towards the GameSphere]

Megan: This is the greatest day of my life.

[The brothers struggle to convince the other to cave as the scene goes to commercial break]


Josh: [desperately wanting to play his GameSphere from his grammy] GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere....

Drake: [looks at his rash in a mirror] Oh, my face... My face!

Josh: GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere... [Audrey and Walter notice them and walk into the kitchen]

Audrey: Can you believe them?

Walter: Ha! I know! There's no way Josh can keep this up. Drake's gonna win this bet easy.

Audrey: Are you kidding? Drake's rash is spreading, he'll cave first.

Walter: You wanna bet on that?

Audrey: You are so on. What d'you wanna bet?


Drake: [comes in his and Josh's room] Why is it dark in here? [he turns on the light to reveal that Josh redecorated their bedroom to a candy palace causing him to get shocked and sees Josh dressed up as Willy Wonka] Josh, what did you do?

Josh: What do you mean, Drake?

Drake: It's all candy and junk food...

Josh: [matter-of-factly] Yeah, I suppose it is.

Drake: [points to a pink pillow] Pillow?

Josh: Cotton candy.

Drake: But, Josh, how did you all this-?

Josh: Shh! [raises a big candy cane in front of Drake to make him hush] Don't ask! Just enjoy! [eats a piece of candy]

Drake: Nice try, Josh, but it's not going to work.

Josh: But doesn't it all look so good?

Drake: Not as good as this GameSphere. [picks up console]

Josh: [gasps] You tease!

[the TV turns on]

Console: Welcome to GameSphere.

Josh: [whining] Hi!

Console: Prepare for the ultimate gaming experience. NOW LET'S PLAY SOME GAMES!

Josh: Ah, you're killing me here!

Drake: Hurts, doesn't it?

Josh: [yells, runs to get a cup and scoops it in the chocolate pool] Mmm... chocolate milk.

Drake: Big deal.

Josh: [eats the cup] Chocolate cup. [gasps as Drake picks up the wireless Battlepad] You got the wireless Battlepad!

Drake: Yep, look at me, walking and playing, I'm playing the GameSphere.

Josh: Mmm... marshmallows! [stuffs it in his mouth]

Drake: Ooh, level 2!

Josh: Loving that licorice! [stuffs it in his mouth]

Drake: Hey, hey, I just warped. Man, look at those graphics!

Josh: Everybody loves gummy bears! [stuffs them in his mouth]

[Finally, the boys can’t take it anymore]

Drake and Josh: [angrily] GIVE ME THAT! [they both switch objects and realizes the other caved] AH-HA! YOU CAVED! [they start arguing, eventually both stop, and Drake hits Josh's hat to the floor as they start fighting over it (resulting them to fall and wrestle in the chocolate milk pool)]

Audrey: [comes in] BOYS! BOYS!

Walter: [comes in] GUYS! GUYS! GUYS, WHAT ARE-!? GET UP! GUYS, GET UP! [he and Audrey stop the boys fighting, sees the mess, and yells] WHAT IS GOING ON!?

Drake and Josh: [both yelling at once about sabotaging each other] ...AND THEN, DRAKE/JOSH CAVED!!! [continue arguing]

Megan: [comes in angrily] HEY, HEY, HEEY!!! It doesn't matter who caved first.

Drake and Josh: What?

Megan: The contract says: "Whoever caves must dye his hair pink." You both caved, so you both have to do it.

[Drake and Josh complain, refusing to dye their hairs pink]

Drake: Mom!

Josh: Dad!

Audrey: [agrees with Megan] You boys signed a contract. You made a commitment.

Walter: You have to honor a commitment.

Megan: Yeah, about that... Mom, you bet on Josh. Dad, you bet on Drake. They both lost. [shows them their signed bet on the contract, making them realize their foolish mistake]

Walter: Yeah, we never made...

Audrey: Well, I...

Drake: [satisfied] You signed a contract.

Josh: [satisfied] You have to honor a commitment.

[Audrey and Walter make defeated faces at losing their bet as well]

[The scene cuts to a new day, where Walter and Audrey enter the living room with pink hair. Unsurprisingly, Megan is amused that she does not have to endure the consequences]

Audrey: Drake, Josh, you'll be late for school!

[The brothers come downstairs, also having their hair dyed pink]

Megan: [enjoying herself] Okay, I was wrong. This, is the best day of my life.

Audrey: Just get in the car.

Walter: See ya, boys.

Audrey: [sighs] Bye. [leaves with Walter and Megan]

Josh: [to Drake] So, when do you think this pink will wear off?

Drake: [sighs] I don't know, a few weeks? Months?

Josh: [sighs] Man, school's gonna be rough...

Drake: Oh yeah.

Josh: Oh well, let's go.

Drake: Uh nah, I'm gonna grab some breakfast. I'll just meet you at school.

Josh: Okay, see ya. [leaves]

[Once Josh is gone, Drake yanks off his pink hair, revealing it to be a wig]

Drake: Pff, idiots.

[Drake goes into the kitchen as the episode ends]