Drake and Josh Wiki


Instructor: And hold it. Hold it. Hold it!

[Drake accidentally fires the potato at Josh's hip, causing the weightlifter to drop on his foot. This followed by the latter jumping and screaming in such pain]

Drake: [sheepish] It works.

[Josh gives Drake a vicious glare as the intro begins]



Megan: [grabs her drink and sees a bug on the wall] Mom, there's a bug on the wall.

Audrey: [on her laptop] Josh, go kill the bug.

Josh: [gets up but refuses to kill it after Drake injured his foot] Go kill the bug.

Drake: I don't want to kill the bug.

Walter: Josh, she asked you to do it. [Josh gets an orange and kills the bug, but he missed] GET UP AND GO SQUISH THAT BUG!

Audrey: Right now!

Josh: [worried] Okay. [he gets up and walks with a cane as he tries to kill the bug]

Audrey: Okay, what up with the cane?

Josh: [mumbles] I use it to kill bugs and whatnot. [kills the bug with a cane] See? [falls down to the floor when he feels his foot accident]

Walter: [gets up] JOSH! [he and Audrey Walk up to him after he falls to the floor] What's the matter with you?

Josh: I don't know! This house is tilted!

Megan: No! Josh crushed his foot, and he refuses to go to the hospital.

Audrey: [worried] You what?

Walter: Let's get his shoe off. [he and Audrey took him to sit on a chair]

Josh: Look, d-don't even worry about it, alright. [Walter takes off his shoe] I'm-I'm sure it's-it's fine, it doesn't really even hurt any- [he, Walter, Audrey, and Megan yell at his badly injured left foot after he dropped a barbell on it by Drake, much to his horror] MORE!!!

Audrey: OH, NO!!!

Walter: AH!!! JOSH!!!

Megan: Cool!

[they look at Josh's injured foot which has black marks from Drake's accident]

Drake: Looks like mom's meatloaf! [his parents stare at him] Which tastes so good.

Audrey: How did this happened?

Drake: He dropped a barbell on it.

Josh: Yeah, after you shot me with a potato.

Audrey: A potato?

Drake: It's a long story.

Walter: [curious] Why didn't you tell us about this?

Josh: [worried] 'Cause I'm afraid of hospitals, alright?

Walter: Oh, come on!

Audrey: Do you know how serious this could be?

Walter: [after discovering Josh's foot] You could lose that foot!

Josh: [whining] But I love this foot!

Audrey: Come on, we need to get him to the hospital right now.

[as Drake leaves, Audrey and Walter help Josh to get to the hospital]

Megan: If they have to remove his foot, can I, have it?

Walter and Audrey: No!


Josh: [pulls Drake close] Come here! You can't impersonate a doctor, it's against the law!

Drake: I'm not impersonating a doctor; I'm pretending to be a doctor.

Josh: Pretending to a doctor is illegal. If they catch you, they will throw you in jail!

Drake: I would not do well in jail...

Josh: [matter of fact] Yeah.


Josh: I kissed your wife.

Drake: [stops, turns to face Josh] What?

Josh: I kissed, your wife!

Drake: Uh...

Nurse 1: Dr. Nussbaum's married?

Josh: Yes!

Nurse 2: But he asked me out.

Nurse 3: He asked me out.

Nurse 4: He made out with me!

Dr. Carlson: [impressed] Nussbaum, you dog. Is there anything this man can't do?

Doctor: We should do the surgery.

Dr. Carlson: Yes, doctor, we really should...

Drake: [plays along with Josh] You kissed my wife?!

Josh: I can't help it! She is so pretty and sweet smelling!

Dr. Carlson: Doctor, I realize this is touchy subject for you...

Drake: I can't believe you, Vichyssoise! After everything we've been through together at Harvard!

Josh: Well, it is your fault!

Drake: My fault?!?

Josh: Yes, you do not satisfy her needs!


Josh: [as Dr. Vichyssoise, smiling] I'm sorry I kissed your wife.

Drake: [smiles, playing along] How was she?

Josh: Oh, excellent!


Dr. Carlson: Yes well, I was just coming to talk to you about that. Until I ran into somebody out in the elevator.

[Another doctor enters from behind him]

Drake: Who's he?

Dr. Carlson: This is Dr. Nussbaum.

Josh: [points at Drake] You mean he's an impostor?!?

Dr. Carlson: It would appear so...

[Drake looks at Josh for ideas, only for him to shrug in response. Then, two police officers enter from behind the curtain]

Dr. Carlson: Are you aware, that you can go to prison for impersonating a doctor?

[As the group closes in, Drake looks around for means to escape. With little to no options, he then jumps out the window, roughly landing in a shrub]

Drake: Ow!

[The group looks out the window, then slowly turn to Josh, who gives them a sheepish look. The scene cuts to the living room, where Drake and Josh arrive home]

Josh: I cannot believe you jumped out that window.

Drake: I can't believe I broke my arm...