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This article covers the transcript from the season 3 episode, Little Sibling.



Mrs. Hayfer: Good morning, Adelsons. Please take your seats. Taylor, take off your headphones or I will sell them on the internet. [looks at the empty seat] We have an empty seat, who's not here?

Becca: [runs up to Mrs. Hayfer] Mrs. Hayfer, the lunch ladies are fighting again.

Mrs. Hayfer: What is it about sloppy joe day that makes those women so violent? [as she leaves] Helga? Helga?!

Josh: So, what are the lunch ladies fighting about?

Becca: Oh, they're not fighting.

Josh: Why'd you tell Mrs. Hayfer they were fighting?

Drake: [walks in] Thank you, Becca.

Josh: Of course.

Drake: And how could I ever repay you?

Becca: I think you can guess. [Drake and Becca kiss on the lips] Let me know if you need more help.

Drake: Let me know if you need more Drake. [Becca walks away] Oh, and Josh, you left your ointment at home.

Josh: Is nothing personal?

Mrs. Hayfer: [returns] Well, the lunch ladies were not fighting, and I don't know why those girls called... [sees Drake sitting down] Drake Parker, were you here when I left?

Drake: Oh, oh, yeah, totally. You probably didn't see me because I had my face buried in this book.

Mrs. Hayfer: Are you lying to me Drake?

Drake: Would I lie to you?

Mrs. Hayfer: Let me think, yes. But I know someone who never lies. [walks over to Josh] Josh? Was Drake on time to my class today?

Josh: Um, you know, what is time? When you think about it because Einstein theorized that time actually...

Mrs. Hayfer: Josh!

Josh: [whines] No, he wasn't here on time.

Drake: Josh!

Josh: [whines] Tell that girl to come in here, so you'd have to leave so he could sneak into class. I'm sorry, I can't lie. If you murder me in my sleep tonight, I'd appreciate you doing it in a way that's not painful. [whines] IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? [ends up getting a scary emotion]


Mrs. Hayfer: See you tomorrow, class.

Drake: Okay, how many days of detention are you going to give me?

Mrs. Hayfer: None!

Drake: None!

Josh: She said none.

Drake: I heard the none.

Mrs. Hayfer: I'm putting you in Remedial English. [Drake and Josh gasp] What's the matter, Drake? Did you not enjoy your last experience in Remedial English class?

[Drake has a dream sequence in Remedial English, full of chaos and highly misbehaved students]

Mr. Talbot: [with his hands and feet tied-up] Would someone like to come to the board and diagram that sentence? And perhaps untie me...

Bully: [yells, while holding a barking German Shepherd on a leash] STOP TALKING!

Drake: Oh, I don't think you're not allowed to have dogs in school.


[Two goth girls sit next to Drake]

Goth Girl 2: I heard you kiss good.

Drake: Oh no, not really!

Goth Girl 1: You're our new boyfriend.

Goth Girl 2: I get to kiss him first!

Goth Girl 1: No, I do!

Goth Girl 2: No, you don't!

[The goth girls struggle to kiss Drake]

Drake: [whines] SAVE ME CUDDLES! [the dream ends as the scene returns to Mrs. Hayfer's classroom] Okay, you cannot put me back in Remedial English!

Mrs. Hayfer: Well, there is one other option.

Drake: What other option?

Mrs. Hayfer: I could give you a little sibling.

Drake: A baby pig?

Josh: A sibling is a brother or sister.

Mrs. Hayfer: Yes, my husband Gerald is a sponsor for the little sibling foundation.

Drake: I'm almost sure little siblings are baby pigs.

Mrs. Hayfer: [yells] WELL, THEY'RE NOT!

Josh: Little siblings is an organization that matches up underprivileged kids with an older brother or sister.

Drake: So you're gonna punish me by making me babysit some kid?

Mrs. Hayfer: I'm hoping that it will teach you to be responsible. It's your choice Drake, you can get a little sibling, or you can go back to Remedial English class. Which will it be?

Drake: I'll take the baby pig.


Mrs. Hayfer: [comes in The Premiere and finds Drake and Josh with Sammy] Very, very, interesting.

Drake: Mrs. Hayfer, what are you doing out in public?

Mrs. Hayfer: Apparently, watching you, fail miserably. Josh, would you take Sammy to the nurse for a moment?

Josh: There's no nurse here-

Mrs. Hayfer: TO THE NURSE!

Josh: Come on, Sammy! [runs off with Sammy]

Drake: Mrs. Hayfer, I can explain.

Mrs. Hayfer: Drake, we had a deal. You stay out of remedial English as long as your Sammy's big sibling but if Sammy prefers Josh, well I think we know what will happen to you.

[Drake has another dream sequence in Remedial English, where he screams as the Bartleby twins try to kiss him. The other students continue their usual chaos as Cuddles viciously barks at Drake]


[The Gothic Bartleby twins keep trying to kiss Drake as the dream ends]

Drake: Okay, okay, just give me one day and I promise Sammy will love me.

Mrs. Hayfer: Make sure it happens. [walks away but stops for a little bit to talk to Drake] Oh, and Drake. Guess what?

Drake: What?

Mrs. Hayfer: [satisfied] I hate you.

Drake: [worried] I know.


[The scene cuts to Remedial English class, where everything remains the same from Drake's dreams. The only difference is that Mr. Talbot is now upside down, with his legs tied together as he swings from side to side, like a pendulum]

Mr. Talbot: Won't someone please cut me down?

Goth Girl 2: [to Drake] Pucker up, boyfriend.

Drake: [whines] Oh, I don't wanna!

Goth Girl 1: [grabs Drake] I get to kiss him, first!

[As they try to kiss him, Josh enters the classroom and walks up to Mr. Talbot]

Josh: Uh, Mr. Talbot, the principal wants to see Drake right away.

Mr. Talbot: Very well. Drake, you may go.

Drake: Yes, sir! [follows Josh to the door, but stops] Wait, why does the principal want to see me?

Josh: [smirks] He doesn't.

Drake: I love you.

Josh: I know!

[Drake and Josh leave the class to its chaos as the episode ends]