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This article covers the transcript for the season 4 episode Josh Runs Into Oprah.

Josh: Get this, Drake says I have bad luck.

Drake: I say Josh has bad luck. You know why?

Josh: I do not have bad luck.

Drake: 'Cause he has bad luck.

Josh: Anytime, something terrible happens to me, it's 'cause of Drake.


Josh: [screaming when looking at two tickets] You got me tickets to Orpah!

Drake: Hug me, brother!



[The scene cuts to commercial break]


[A group of Oprah fans approach Drake]

Oprah Fan: Excuse me, are you the young man who ran over Oprah?

Drake: Oh no, that's my brother, Josh. [points to him]

Oprah Fan: [points to Josh, furious] HE'S THE ONE!


Nurse: [runs into the hall, and points at Josh] That's him! That's the boy with the flesh eating virus!

Doctor: The one with the big head?

Nurse: Yes!

Josh: Okay, it's not that big, first of all, and... [grabbed by a group of doctors in hazmats and forced onto a gurney] Whoa! Let me! Drake! You know, I'm feeling better! Wait Drake, help!

Doctor: We gotta dip that man in a chemical bath, stat!


Doctor: Stat!

Josh: WHAT? [gets wheeled off to an operating room]

[Drake looks around, thinking about how to save Josh until he sees a food tray on the ground]

Drake: Hey, mashed potatoes! [grabs the bowl and eats before he heads home, immediately forgetting about Josh]


[Josh shuffles into the room, in a hospital gown with red skin from the chemical bath]

Drake: Hey, man.

Josh: HEY, MAN?!

Drake: Hey... man?

Josh: You left me at the hospital to be chemically bathed!

Drake: Oh yeah, how'd that go?

Josh: [sarcastic] Oh actually, it was quite pleasant when they did... OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE!

Drake: Alright, what up with the 'tude?

Josh: Do you know what it's like, to have an involuntary chemical bath? It stings, EVERYWHERE!

Drake: Okay, I know you're mad. But I'll make it up to you.