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This article covers the transcript from the season 4 episode Josh Is Done.


Crazy Steve: Excuse me, Josh? I'm having a little trouble with the popcorn machine, would you mind giving me a hand?

Josh: Well, I'm not working tonight. So, could you ask someone else?

Crazy Steve: SURE! [flips over Era screaming Eric's chair, and snatches Craig's hot dog] You... [throws frank across the lobby, returns the bun to Craig before facing Josh] THANKS FOR NOTHING! [runs off]

Eric: [gets back up] What's the matter with him?!

Craig: Why'd he chuck my wiener?

[While the group processes the situation, Drake arrives and pulls up a seat next to Josh.]

Drake: S'up, people?

Leah: Hi, Drake.

Drake: So Josh, tonight I'm thinking we either see She's the Dude, or Just My Truck.

Leah: I heard both those movies were awful.

Drake: Yeah, that's the point. See, the first Tuesday of every month, me and Josh see the worst movie out there. We call it "Bad Movie Tuesday." [to Josh] So which one do you wanna see?

Josh: Actually, we're going to see a laser light show downtown.

Eric: Oh yeah, we better get going.

[The group begins to leave]

Drake: [to Josh] Dude, it's been like five days. When are you gonna stop being mad at me?

Josh: I told you, I'm not mad at you. I'm done with you.

Drake: Josh...

Josh: I mean it. [follows the group]

[Drake stands in disappointment at his failure to rekindle his brotherhood with Josh. Meanwhile, an old lady walks in the lobby, holding Craig's frank that Crazy Steve threw away.]

Old Lady: [to her friend] No, I was just walking out of the theater and it landed in my hand. [takes a bite]

[The scene cuts to commercial break]


Josh: You enjoy your popcorn.

Customer: And you, keep the change. [happily pays Josh a tip]

Josh: Wow, a $6 tip, that's so nice.

Customer: [happily] You're very welcome. [walks to the theater]

[Josh grabs cleaning solution and heads over to wipe down the tables. Craig and Eric enter the lobby, and approach Josh.]

Eric: Hey Josh, you left your rash cream in my glove compartment.

Josh: Keep it.

Eric: Huh?

Josh: My rash went away.

Craig: You've had that rash for three years.

Eric: Why would it just go away all of a sudden?

Josh: I'm not sure, Dr. Fishbaum says it could have been stress related.

Craig: Ah.

Eric: Wait, when did you first notice it was gone?

Josh: About a week ago.

Eric: So, just about the time you kicked Drake out of your life?

Josh: [nods] Yeah. [returns to the concession stand]

Crazy Steve: So, how was your racket ball game with Helen?

Josh: Awesome, I beat her two games out of three.

Leah: [surprised] You beat Helen?

Crazy Steve: She's a pro.

Josh: I know, I was just on fire.

Crazy Steve: Fire! FIRE!!! [sprays himself in the face with cleaning solution]

Josh: No, no, no! There's no fire, there's no fire! [pulls Crazy Steve in and pets his head to calm him down] Just take a breath, take a breath. In, out, in, out, alright.

[Crazy Steve, now calm, separates from Josh and proceeds to hug the cash register. Drake enters the lobby and goes to the concession stand, not looking too happy.]

Drake: Hello, Josh.

Josh: Hi, Drake.

Craig: [to Drake] Why are you all sweaty?

Drake: [angrily] I'm all sweaty, because I ran out of gas and had to walk all the way over here, because somebody forgot to fill up the car!

Josh: It's not my responsibility to fill the car with gas.

Drake: You always fill up the car!

Josh: Used to. Now, I put in just enough gas for myself.

Drake: Well, good! You know, good for you! I DON'T NEED YOUR GAS! And just so you know, I'm gonna go see a movie right now, and I don't need a free ticket from you, because Mom paid me 10 bucks to get outta the house! So, I don't need you for anything. [goes to buy a ticket]

Leah: Movie tickets here, are $11.

Drake: What?!

Eric: And popcorn and soda are gonna cost you another 6 or 7.

Drake: D'oh! You know what? I'm not even gonna buy a ticket, I'm just going in! [storms off towards the theater] Alright, just going right in! [yells in an usher's face as he walks into the theater.]

Josh: [clears throat as he pulls out a walkie-talkie] Security, we got a problem in Theater 7: male, Caucasian, sweaty, wearing a grey sweatshirt. [puts walkie-talkie away and turns back to the group] So, what's the difference between a hoagie and a submarine sandwich?

Crazy Steve: I always thought a hoagie was a hot sandwich, and a submarine could be served hot or cold.

Craig: No, I think it's the other way around.

Eric: Okay well, what's a grinder?

Leah: Same thing as a hoagie.

Drake: [getting dragged by security guards] Hey! Hey, let go, let go! Josh, Josh, tell them! Let me go! Josh, Josh, tell him! Tell him, don't look away! I know this guy, I know this guy! Ask him, ask him.

Security Guard: [to Josh] Is this guy a friend of yours?

Josh: [pauses] No, he's not.

Drake: [frustrated] Josh?! Oh, you're gonna regret this, Josh! You need me! YOU NEED ME!!! [guards drag him outside]

Josh: [to the group] So, hoagie and a grinder, same thing, huh?

Leah, Crazy Steve, Eric, & Craig: [all talking at once in agreement] Yes./That's right./Uh-huh./Yeah.

Crazy Steve: All in the sandwich family.