Drake and Josh Wiki

Drake and Josh: HAPPY ANNIVERS- [they turn on the lights to reveal that the furniture in the living room has been stolen] -[lamely] sery...

Walter: Drake?

Audrey: Josh!

Walter: Where's our stuff?

Josh: We've been robbed!

Drake: [sheepishly] Surprise...

[The scene then cuts to commercial break. We return back to the house, as Drake and Josh are explaining everything to two police officers, while Walter gloomily sits on the floor. Megan returns home, suddenly confused by the living room's lack of furniture.]

Megan: [walks over to Walter] What happened?

Walter: [looks up at Megan] Drake and Josh let bad people steal our stuff.

Audrey: Sergeant Doty? I have coffee, but I can't make it because they stole our coffee maker.

Sergeant Doty: Just bring me the dry coffee with a spoon. [to Drake and Josh] So, let me see if I got this straight...

Josh: Sure.

Drake: Go ahead.

Sergeant Doty: You two supposedly won a home makeover from some TV show you never heard of?

Josh: That's right.

Drake: Yeah.

Sergeant Doty: And at their request, you made sure that nobody was home today for six hours?

Josh: Right.

Drake: That's pretty much it.

Josh: So what do you guys think?

Sergeant Doty: I think you're idiots.

Megan: We know they're idiots. [walks over to the officers with Walter and Audrey, who hands Doty the coffee can]

Walter: So uh, you think you can get our furniture back?

Sergeant Doty: [eats a spoonful of dry coffee] I don't know. Good coffee.

Audrey: Thank you.

Megan: Man, I can't believe they took everything.

Walter: I need an aspirin. [goes to the bathroom]

Audrey: I'll bring you some juice.

Walter: Pineapple.

Megan: I'll get him the juice.

Audrey: Aw, thanks sweetie. [follows Walter]

Megan: [to Sergeant Doty] I'm not getting him the juice. [walks away]

Doty's Partner: [to Josh] Isn't your dad the weatherman on Channel 7?

Josh: Yeah, that's him.

Doty's Partner: [angrily] He said it wasn't going to rain on my kid's birthday! But it did rain!

Josh: Sorry.

Doty's Partner: Yeah, me too! [walks back to Sgt. Doty]

[Josh pulls Drake over to the kitchen window.]

Drake: What?

Josh: We have to replace Mom and Dad's furniture.

Drake: Dude, do you know how much it's gonna cost to replace a whole room full of nice furniture?

Josh: A lot.

Drake: Well, good thing you have a job. I'm gonna grab some tacos, give me 20 bucks.

Josh: No, okay? My job at the Premiere doesn't pay me enough to refurnish this entire room. You and I are gonna have to figure out a way to make some money, fast.

[While they talk, Tyler pops his head from the window and throws an egg at Sergeant Doty's back thinking that Drake and Josh did it. Before Doty turns around, Tyler ducks down to let the brothers take the fall.]

Sergeant Doty: Hey! [walks up to Drake and Josh] You think eggs are funny? You know can I arrest the two of you for assaulting a police officer?

Drake: We didn't throw an egg at you.

Josh: We don't even have any eggs on us.

Doty: Heh. [picks up the egg tray that Tyler left from the counter] Then whose are these? The egg fairies?

Josh: We don't even know where those came from.

Sergeant Doty: 50 push-ups.

Josh: You can't make us do-

Sergeant Doty: [angrily] PUSH-UPS!

[Drake and Josh immediately drop to the floor and begin push-ups.]

Drake: One...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Two...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Three...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Four...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Five...

Josh: Ow...

Drake: Six...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Seven...

Josh: Ow!

Drake: Eight, nine...

[Megan enters the house from the back door, watching the scene with satisfaction. Tyler slowly peeks up from the window again, as they both offer each other a nod and smile for another successful prank. We cut to the next day at a place called Fleeting Jobs, where Drake and Josh have a job interview.]

Mr. Nadel: Drake Parker, Josh Nichols. [They both enter his office] What do you want?

Josh: We understand you give people temporary jobs?

Mr. Nadel: So?

Josh: And we'd like one.

Mr. Nadal: Yeah, and I'd like to meet a woman who doesn't change her phone number after the first date.

Drake: [sarcastically] Yeah well, good luck with that.

Mr. Nadal: Okay, what are your skills?

Drake: I play guitar and date girls. [Mr. Nadal gives him a look]

Josh: Well, I'm an honor student, I'm pretty good with magic tricks, I can cook. Oh, in the 5th grade, I was voted "most polite child"...

Mr. Nadal: [yells in frustration] THAT'S ENOUGH! [in a normal voice] Let's see, I've got men's room attendant, ditch digger, or you could clean up after elephants at the zoo?

Drake: [sarcastically] Wow, they all sound so wonderful!

Josh: Do you give any jobs that are, you know... Not repulsive?

Drake: Yeah, and we want one that pays a lot.

Mr. Nadal: Sure, and I wanna meet a woman who doesn't change her phone number after the first date.

Josh: You already said that.


Drake: We just want jobs!

Mr. Nadal: Alright look, I got two jobs working the line at a fish factory. Is that glamorous enough for you?

Josh: Well, what would we have to do?

Mr. Nadal: You'd be assembling packages of sushi for distribution to local supermarkets. Pays 18 bucks an hour, each.

Josh: Yeah, we'll take it.

Mr. Nadal: Good. Happy, happy. Here's the address, be there Saturday morning, 8:00. [writes information on a slip of paper and hands it to Josh]

Drake: 8:00?

Josh: We'll be there.

Mr. Nadal: Yeah, yeah...

[After Drake and Josh leave his office, Nadel types in numbers on his phone from a piece of paper]

Phone: The number you have reached has been disconnected.

Mr. Nadal: [bangs on desk] EVERY TIME! Stupid lotion! [knocks a lotion bottle off his desk]

[The scene cuts to Saturday morning at Ball and Vance Fish Corp., where Drake and Josh are to begin their new job. Drake and Josh enter their work station with their new boss, Ms. Abernathy.]

Ms. Abernathy: Alright, here is where we package the sushi. [points to a lightbulb above an entry slot] When that green light goes on, the sushi will move across the conveyor belt from here to there. [points to an exit slot at the end] Your job is take the pieces of sushi off the conveyor belt and place them into these containers here. Then you place the containers back on the line, there. Six pieces of sushi to one container. Now, if any sushi passes through there unboxed, [points to the exit slot] you will be fired, and forcibly escorted through that door there. [smiles] Any questions?

Josh: Yeah...

Ms. Abernathy: I don't have time for questions, sit!

[Drake and Josh sit down]

Ms. Abernathy: [yells] Let the sushi roll!

Josh: [chuckles] I get it, "sushi roll".

Ms. Abernathy: [unamused] That wasn't a joke, that was an unfortunate coincidental pairing of words. [yells] Let the sushi roll! [green light turns on] I'll be back in two minutes to evaluate your performance. [leaves through the door]

Drake: [scoffs] Putting sushi in a box, how easy is this?

Josh: I know, right?

[The sushi begins moving on the conveyor belt]

Drake: And here we go.

Josh: Time to package some fish. [whistles as he packages sushi]

Drake: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, this is really challenging...

Josh: [chuckles] Alright, alright, it might not be the most exciting job in the world, but at least it'll earn us enough money to get Mom and Dad some new furniture. [notices a bunch of sushi moving past Drake] Hey, hey, grab that one, grab that one!

Drake: [grabs one, but not all the sushi] I got it, I got it, don't worry.

Josh: Whoa! [notices the sushi moving quickly] This thing's going kind of fast. [calls to the other side] Hey, could you slow it down a little bit?

Drake: Whoa, whoa, hey!


Josh: I got it! Ah thank you! Alright, alright! Will you slow it down please?! WE'RE JUST BOYS!!!

Drake: Go grab them!!!