Drake and Josh Wiki



Drake: Your beverage.

Lucy: Thanks, [picks up a french fry off the table] want a french fry?

Drake: Where'd you get that?

Lucy: One of those idiot jocks over there, threw it and hit me in the head.

Drake: [points to the jocks near Lucy] Those guys?

Lucy: Yeah, but don't worry...

Drake: I'll handle this.

Lucy: Drake, don't. Those guys are pretty big.

Drake: Yeah, I know. Hey, Josh!

Josh: [walks over] What's up?

Drake: Those guys are being all obnoxious and throwing french fries.

Josh: Not on my watch. [walks over to the jocks' table] Hey!

[Drake sit back down to continue his date]

Lucy: So tell me, when you write a song, what comes first? The music, or the lyrics?

Drake: Oh, well it depends. Sometimes I'll just be in my room, playing guitar or...

[The jocks laugh, as Josh is suddenly shoved near the two. The latter also has his hands tied behind his back and a popcorn bucket on his head]

Drake: What happened?

Josh: [calmly] Will you please, remove the bucket from my head and untie my hands?

[Drake removes the bucket and unties his brother]

Lucy: Those guys did that to you?

Josh: Yes, I think the big one stuffed something down my pants. [reaches inside his pants, pulling out the object in question] It's a corn dog.

Drake: Wait here. [goes to the jocks' table]

Lucy: No Drake, please don't do this.

Drake: [walks over to one of them] Hey! You the big tough guy who put a corn dog down my brother's pants?

[The jock stands up, along with two other jocks. Each them being taller than Drake, who is somewhat intimidated]

Jock Leader: Maybe.

Jock 2: Maybe I did.

Drake: Yeah well, look, you can't... [gets shoved down by the leader]

Josh: Drake!

[In a surprising turn of events, Lucy grabs the leader's arm and throws him into a table with such strength]

Lucy: [helps up Drake] You okay?

Drake: [hiding his wounded pride] Yeah, yeah, I'm cool.

Jock Leader: [gets up, walking over to Lucy] Hey! I'm not done with you.

Helen: [walks over, holding a baseball bat] I beg to differ. Now you and your little hoodlum friends get out of my movie theater, before I POP YOU LIKE A ZIT! MOVE IT!

[The jocks scramble out of the Premiere]

Josh: Whoa. Lucy, where did you learn to fight like that?

Lucy: Eh, I grew up with five older brothers. It was either learn how to fight, or get held down and burped on.

Helen: I tell you what, [grabs Josh's corn dog and eats it, oblivious to where it's been] just uh, breaks my heart to see today's adolescents misbehaving like that. [continues eating]

Josh: Um, Helen, that uh, that corn dog...

Helen: Hm?

Josh: Nothing.


Drake: You know what I love about you?

Lucy: What do you love about me?

Drake: You're always in a great mood. Man, I can't believe I even thought about dumping you.

Lucy: Huh?

Drake: Oh, oh, nothing, it's stupid.

Lucy: Oh, tell me.

Drake: Well, it's just you know. Okay, to be totally honest, you know I-I got kind of freaked out about the other night.

Lucy: What, the thing with the football player?

Drake: Yeah, you know I was thinking how could I date a girl who's tougher than me? But Josh told me I was just being dumb.

Lucy: Yeah. So now you're cool with it?

Drake: Cool with what?

Lucy: Dating a girl that's tougher than you.

Drake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay you are not tougher than me, that football player just caught me off guard.

Lucy: [laughing] Okay, whatever you say.

Drake: You think you're tougher than me.

Lucy: Kinda.

[Drake and Lucy both get together in an arm wrestling contest]


Josh: Mr. and Mrs. Crewshaw.


Lucy: [throws Drake] Whoops.

Drake: Not bad.

Lucy: Well, there's a lot more where that- ahh!


[Drake and Lucy continue their wrestling match downstairs, ruining Josh and Mindy's dinner as the Megan and the kids cheer]

Josh: [incredibly furious after making Drake stop fighting] IT'S A DRAW!

Mr. Crenshaw: Josh, who are these people?

Josh: Uh, this is my brother Drake. Drake, this is-

Mrs. Crenshaw: He's your brother?

Mr. Crenshaw: I knew it! I knew these were not the kind of people our daughter should be associating with. Mindy, we're going!

Mindy: Dad, Mom, wait!

Josh: [to Drake, angry] You see what you do? One night. One night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it!

Drake: Josh...

Josh: [angry] Look, I-I told you how important this was to me. I told you that this was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents. I-I spent like 2 days working on this dinner and I spent like 300 bucks on a dumb harpist, who at this point, SHOULD STOP PLAYING! [the harpist stops playing] And I don't even care what you think of Mindy, alright? Because she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't date her anymore because you wrecked it! Alright, y-y-you you wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my $100 ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!

Drake: Y-You spent $100 on ice?

[Josh attacks him and begins to fight with him, until Lucy stops them]

Lucy: Stop!

Mr. Crenshaw: Listen, Josh! I think… that you and Mindy should continue dating.

Josh: For real?

Mindy: Why'd you changed your mind?

Mrs. Crenshaw: Because any young man who cares that cares about that much about our Mindy. I think you understand.

Josh: Thank you so much, Mr. & Mrs. Crenshaw.

Mr. Crenshaw: Just one thing.

Josh: Yes, sir?

Mr. Crenshaw: [to Drake and Lucy] What were you two fighting about?

Lucy: Oh, see, I challenged him to a wrestling match because he didn't believe that I was tougher than him.

Mr. Crenshaw: Well, of course you're not. [chuckles]

Lucy: Huh?

Mr. Crenshaw: Physically, boys are genetically superior to girls.

Drake: Ah, thank you.

Mrs. Crenshaw: Oh, Paul, you sound like an idiot.

Mindy: You tell him, Mom.

Mrs. Crenshaw: You know, fighting has to do with skill, not male-vs-female genetics.

Mr. Crenshaw: Oh, don't be absurd. Men are tougher than women.

Mrs. Crenshaw: Oh, I have stakes tougher than you.

Megan: Well, I guess there's only one way to settle this.


[Mindy's parents get into a fight as the episode ends]