Drake and Josh Wiki

Audrey: [off-screen] Josh, get your feet off the coffee table!

Josh: [does so, before turning to the audience] Every time!


Drake: You said it runs.

Trevor: Oh, you meant the dune buggy! Yeah no, that's, that's broken. See ya! [leaves]

Drake: [beat] It's not buggy time...

Josh: [sad] It's dead buggy time...


Josh: [amused] Oil hole? [Drake hits him again] Quit whacking my head!

Drake: Then come on!

[Josh throws a pillow at Drake, missing, as he knocks over the root beer on the TV. This causes it to short circuit and emit sparks, as it dies.]

Drake: You see what you do?

Josh: You did it first!

Drake: Yeah, but at least I didn't cause anything to explode!

Josh: Oh! [tries to turn the TV back on, but to no avail] Oh... What are we gonna do? Mom and Dad are gonna kill us!

Drake: No, they won't... They're gonna kill you.

Josh: But you're the one who ducked! You, d-ducker! Oh, I'm gonna be in so much trouble...

Drake: Dude, [sits with him] there's a very easy way outta this: lie.

Josh: Lie?

Drake: Lie.

Josh: [interested] Lie...

Drake: Yeah, if Mom and Dad ask about the TV, you don't know what happened.

Josh: But that's not the truth.

Drake: Which is why they call it lying...

Josh: I don't know, lying... It seems so wrong.

Drake: You wanna get grounded?

Josh: But it feels so right!


Audrey: [suspicious] Josh!

Josh: [whines] It was a pillow!

Audrey: Josh, I don't care about the pillow. I don't care about the TV.

Josh: You don't?

Audrey: No, I care that you lied to me. I'm really disappointed in you.

Josh: I'm sorry.

Audrey: You should be.

Josh: So, am I "grounded" for breaking the TV?

Audrey: No.

Josh: [relieved] Oh!

Audrey: You're grounded for lying to me.

Josh: [beat] Oh.

Audrey: And you're gonna have to do a lot of extra work around this house. [walks away]

Josh: [walks over to the TV] I drink root beer, you don't see me exploding!


Josh: Of course, I get to take breaks and do fun chores like, scrubbing the toilets!

Drake: By the way, you might wanna do the one upstairs again. Sorry!

Josh: I never should've let you convince me to lie.

Drake: You didn't get in trouble for lying, you got in trouble for lying badly.

Josh: Look, it's not fair! You never get in trouble! You get with everything!

Drake: Yeah. I do, don't I? So, is this thing ready?

Josh: Almost, give me a hand.

Drake: I wonder what this is for... [connects the wire, activating the horn, which goes off in Josh's ears...]

Josh: I think, maybe it's the HORN!


Audrey: [to Walter] Honey!

[Walter shuts off the buggy]

Drake: What?

Audrey: You can't drive this out in the street!

Josh: Sure we can! This thing will do 50!

Audrey: I mean, you're not allowed to drive it.

Drake: Why?

Audrey: Why? You're too young.

Walter: You don't have driver's licenses.

Audrey: It's dangerous.

Walter: That thing can't be street legal, i-it doesn't even have turn signals.

Drake: No, that's why I got Josh. Left! [Josh signals left] Right! [Josh signals right]

Walter: Sorry, guys.

Audrey: Nope.

Josh: Well, why'd you let us fix it up if you weren't gonna let us drive it?

Audrey: We never thought you'd actually get it running.

Walter: Look, we can take it up to the lake this summer and you can drive it.

Audrey: Slowly, with helmets on, and bubble wrap.

Walter: Until then, it stays in the garage. We clear?

Drake: Yeah.

Josh: We're clear.

Walter: Good. [leaves the garage with Audrey]

Drake: Well, I'm not let gonna sit in here.

Josh: Me neither.


Drake: Fine, fun crusher. [goes to the garage]

Josh: Juice germer! [thinks for a second, and opens the carton to drink from it, hoping no one will catch him. His hopes are dashed when Megan appears at the kitchen window.]

Megan: I'm telling Mom you drank out of the carton. [walks away]


Trevor: Well, okay.

Drake: [startled, as he turns around] W-hey! What are you doing?

Trevor: I just came to see how the dune buggy's doing. It's looking good.

Drake: Not just looking good, watch. [turns on the engine]

Trevor: Whoa, you got running!

Drake: Yeah, get in. [Trevor climbs in, sitting on his lap] Trevor?

Trevor: Yeah?

Drake: Maybe you wanna sit in the passenger's seat?

Trevor: I dunno, you got a comfy lap...

Drake: Move!

Trevor: Okay. [moves over]

Drake: Hey, you know where it would be better?

Trevor: In the shower.

Drake: [annoyed] On the road!

Trevor: Better!


Josh: You threw the pillow, you taught me into lying about the TV, you got me grounded and you took our dune buggy when you weren't supposed to, and you wrecked it!


Josh: The "Great Drake": grounded for two weeks! I love it!

Drake: Yep, me too.

Josh: Huh?

Drake: Two weeks. Laying in bed, no school, playing a little guitar, watching a little TV, you bringin' me pizzas? Yeah, being grounded is bad...

Josh: But wait...

Drake: Hold that thought. [turns on a walkie-talkie] Hey Walter, could you bring me up a root beer, a magazine, and in about 20 minutes, maybe a little ice cream?

Walter: Sure, I'll get Josh right on it. [from downstairs] Josh!

Josh: [whines] Ah, come on! [goes downstairs as the episode ends]